Another sleepless night, and I've yet to stop thinking...
it's just constant thoughts...over and over again...

'You're stupid.' 'You'll never amount to anything.' 'Arik hates you.' 'Oakley hates you.' 'You have no reason to exist.' 'Why do you fool yourself into thinking that you care about anything?' 'Why don't you just give up and kill yourself now?'

I hate these thoughts. But, I consider them to be my conscience...
And if God gave me this conscience, and it's supposed to be a way to distinguish between right and wrong, does that mean that He is trying to send me a sign?
Am I really not good enough for anything? Should I really kill myself?

I don't know...

It's so hard to make those kind of decisions...and I would consult my boyfriend first, too, he would probably help...or at least try to.

Why am I even writing this? No one reads these things...let alone MINE. T~T

I hate that nothing I do or say matters.

I hate that I hate things.

I hate that someone might ACTUALLY read this, and the first word that pops into their head is: PSYCHOPATH.

You know what? I'm NOT crazy. Sure, I have a weird sense of Intuition that allows me to feel emotions that aren't actually MINE, and sure, I have a small dose of Pre-cognition in my blood that allows me to see the future sometimes, but if that makes me a freak, then that's perfectly fine. So does wearing Gothic Lolita attire to school, apparently.
Do you think it BOTHERS me that people send me hate-mail just because I expressed an opinion on something? Well, it DOESN'T.
Do you think it BOTHERS me that people tend to come right up to me and yell at me and call me a disgrace and threaten to kill my family? Well, it DOESN'T. Actually, you'd PROBABLY be doing me a favor.

So, messing with me gets you NOWHERE.

You know why? BECAUSE I DON'T CARE!

I found out long ago that I no longer had feelings of my own. I have nothing but apathy and indifference pulsing through every fiber of my heartless being.

I don't care.

You don't care.

Leave me alone.

I'm gonna rot on my own.



T~T